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You might know that Labradors is a speshul breed. Basically my ancesters came from Newfoundland, wot is a long long way away from Ingerlund, and is a very cold place. Wot them Labbies used to do was jump in the water off fishing boats and collect the fish wot their owners was fishing for and bring them back to the boats. (I fink they probably ate some of them fish themselves).
Just to complicate matters further, there is a dog breed called Newfoundland. Them dogs is very big and fluffy and they even has webbed feet! They used to catch fishes too, but nowadays they are used for rescuing people like them big fluffy St. Bernards. Difference is, them St. Bernards carry a little barrel of brandy round their necks. She wonders why I can’t carry a wine box round mine? I fink that a bit extreme. However, both Newfoundlands and St. Bernards dribble like mad and evry time they shake their head there is dribble EVRY where. I only dribble at mealtimes.
Then some Inglish mi’lord bring some Labbies back to Ingerlund so they can retrieve peasants and other game birds after they shoot them. Eating them peasants and other game birds is WRONG, so they bred them dogs to retrieve and give the stuff back.
Anyway, I digress.
Now, them dogs might have thought the sea off Newfoundland was cold, all wot I can say is they need to try the English Channel in January! However, I am not a wuss AT ALL so wot I really like is when she throw a tennis ball into the sea and I go in and get it and bring it back and she do it all over again and again and again.
Us Labradors have virtually waterproof coats so we just like to get as wet as possible, then we can bring all the wet and the mud and the sand into the house when we gets home.
Swimmin itself is a bit tricky. Wot happens is, you go in the sea and you are runnin and then suddenly you are ackshewally swimmin becoz there is no ground under your paws. Wot I do then is, I stick my head up high and frantically thrash my front paws around and then I see my ball and I catch it and turn for home. This seem perfickly reasonable to me, but she larf and larf evrytime I does it and make her stoopid ‘joke’ about breasting the waves and waving the breasts. This is apparently becoz I swim like a gurl (well, dur….).
I fink, if you close your eyes a little and use some imagination, I most closely resemble Ursula Undress comin out of the sea in Dr. No (not that I am vain or anyfink but evryone say how very pretty I am. And is TROO). Anyway then I gets onto dry land and makes her throw the ball again and again and again.
Re the wet and the mud and the sand in the house: she dry me with a towel, and then she take my collar off (so I don’t get a stiff neck from wearin a wet collar, I fink this is ridickerless but I humour her) and then OMG she puts me into a bloody DRESSING GOWN!! It is a speshul dressing gown for wet dogs wot she bought for me off the internet, it go over my head and along my back and she tie the two strings into a bow on the top of my back. It is made from MikeRowFiba. She don’t like MikeRowFiba, says it makes her hands feel funny, but she do it for ME (softie).
Ackshewally this process take a while as I like to spread the wet and the mud and the sand as far as I can so I wriggle and roll over a lot, but she eventually manage it. Then I run around like mad and evryone go OMG Tammie you are so funny, yuck bugger off you are all wet, and then in about 45 minutes I am all dry and silky again. Wot is really good is if you can sit on the sofa with the hoomans while you are still damp enough to make them damp, and bonus points for smell of WET DOG.
In fact, my dressing gown is red and it suits me very well, not that I am vain or anyfink, but evryone say I look gorgeous in it. And is troo. I qwite like it, especially when I have rolled on the doormat in it and then on my bed. Did I tell you about my bedroom? I have my own…