I rite in shame. I woke her at 7.20 this mornin, wot is early at the weekend, by woofin, so she gave me my Bonio brekkie and let me out in the garden. Then she drink tea and read the papers. At 8.30 Willis (big stoopid black and white cat) come in throo downstairs catflap and she fink WTF where is dog? After walkin round the garden and the field in her dressin gown four times, shoutin my name and probs wakin up ALL neighbours, she wake up Sista 2 and her BOYfrend wots dad is a pleece dog handler and evryone go out seachin for me while he wait home in case fone ring (harhar, we all kno he took easy opshun).
Evenshually, BOYfrend wots dad is a pleece dog handler find me qwite close to where her mother used to live. Me and BOYfrend wots dad is a pleece dog handler go home coz I is desperate to see her. BOYfriend wots dad is a pleece dog handler is 6’5” and I am 2’2” and he didn’t have my lead so he had to walk home with me bent double so he could hold my collar harhar. He got bad back now. She not pleezed but I woz so happy to see her. NO WUN kno how I got out. So I have sleep on kitchin sofa and then she take me for a walk (she lost my ball over a fence, she BAD dog mummy), and I have bad tummy. So now she is starvin me on rice and maybe some chicken later with more bloody rice. They is all releeved I am safe, they keeps cuddlin me and sayin oh Tamzie pleese don’t do dat again, we was so worrid. I am just bloody hangry and want proper food.
Can I come back? Even other stoopid dogs better than bloody rice and chicken. And I only got bad tummy becoz I ate somefing rong. I is a Labrador, its genetic innit?