She ackshewally work for a pet food company. You’d fink this was good, I would get loads of freebies and be a test dog for everyfing new wot comes on the market, rite?
Nah, it’s all about serious nootrition and balanced diets an all that shit… so I get a special Labrador food twice a day, seven days a week, amount as advised on the packet for my weight (which is perfick I’ll have you kno) . It called Labrador Retriever Sterilised, I say wot, they sterilise my food?? And she say no dingbat it coz YOU is sterilised (that spade fing). Bein sterilised apparently makes us dogs less active and more inclined to gain weight. They got it wrong about the activity levels, I can run and run and run all day long. The food very nice, but I’m a Lab, rite, so am genetically a dustbin. Thank god for cat poo in the garden and dead fings on the beach or I might ackshewally reely and truly starve!
She doesn’t ackshewally starve me, she wouldn’t do that. So I gets a Bonio for breakfast every day, then my nutritionally perfickly balanced food for Labby Lunch and Labby Tea (and you can be quite shore, I can tell the time on a digital and an analogue clock and of course my very reliable own body clock.) And then at bedtime I get a treat wot is supposed to be good for my teeth – don’t care, it taste good.
And she even weigh out my recommended portion on the scales evry day, this is like unheard of but she say being a FAT Lab is a bad fing, what with genetic propensity to weight gain and joint problems (WTF she talkin about??? Just feed me biatch! She don’t kno I am finking like this becoz she fink she has trained me to sit down before my food – obvs I just does it so she don’t witter on about nootrition any longer than necessary).
Sundays is good, wot is Sardine Sunday when I get a Sardine added to my kibble. Dere Unkle Roy and Arntie Soo always did this once a week and she such a softie that she continue the tradition. I have an immaculately shiney and silky coat, am sure it is the Sardine once a week wot does it, but she say it is down to my nootritionally balanced Labbie food wot I eat all day every day. Doesn’t matter, I’m a Lab, I would eat ANYFING (and I probs already have…)